I am grateful for: turning 28 & pain as my teacher

Sometimes it is out of the darkness that the most meaningful and impactful lessons are revealed.

It is a day before my 28th birthday (now posting this a day after) and the days leading up to it, well actually the months leading up to it, have (at times) been incredibly painful, challenging, uncomfortable, confronting but also extremely meaningful, exploratory, deepening, enriching and impactful moments of my life.

In full transparency, it is the first time in my life where I’ve faced very real mental health challenges. It’s the first time I’ve truly felt out of control of my emotions, bodily reactions and thoughts. It is the first time where the mental chatter, insecurities, doubts, anxieties and emotions that I’ve helped so many other people go through, I now have to practice on myself. It is the first time I have experienced firsthand how a unidentifiable force can take over my mind and body and turn me into someone I don’t fully recognize.

But this pain and darkness is the unavoidable scream to pay attention to what is not working.

And then it passes.

And the lessons are revealed.

And the pain becomes the teacher.

And deep down I know that my pain is the process and in some unconscious, “hard to wrap my head around” way, it is what I have chosen in this time of my life.

I have chosen to be uncomfortable, to learn a completely new set of lessons, to confront deeply ingrained limiting beliefs that have only been able to surface due to the path I have chosen to go down– the adventure of life I’ve chosen to embark on.

The road less traveled.

So the culmination of 11 beautiful months worth of lessons learned through traveling, exploring, and adventuring have come to these two, huge, scream-in-my-face self-realizations:

1. Happiness comes from within, but growth comes when we leave our comfort zone.

1. Our worth is not tied to what we do, but who we are and how we be.

Over the past 11 months, I realized that so much of my sense of belonging, happiness and worth has been based on where I am living, who I am surrounded by, what I am doing/ achieving, and a false sense of what success looks like.

But I’ve been reminded that happiness comes from within and our sense of self-worth is not tied to the things we do and the identity we’ve constructed for ourselves through the passions, achievements and mistakes we’ve accumulated over the years, but to who we are at our core.

I am reconnecting to my belief that the meaning of life isn’t necessarily what we DO or the impact we make from what we DO, but how we BE. How we show up to and the quality of our relationships, how hard and fearlessly we love, how courageously we show up to all that life offers, how resilient we are in facing the challenges life presents, how genuinely we are able to turn to gratitude and appreciation for all that we do have.

So coming into the big 2-8, my intention is to let go of the attachment of who I think I am supposed to be and continue to just be.

To be at peace with just being.

To allow emotions to move through me instead of consume me.

To base my sense of self-worth on who I am instead of what I do.

To practice being loving and compassionate with myself instead of harsh and critical.

To let go of control and allow life to continue to unfold for me.

To focus on cultivating happiness, fulfillment, and belonging from within.

To welcome pain as my teacher, my ally and my friend instead of my enemy and opponent.

To embrace the finding, the becoming, the evolution and the blossoming.

To return to gratitude for all that I have and all that I am.

Of course I looked up the spiritual meaning of the number 28 because I love to do that shit and the message was this:

“Number 28 is an indication it is time to focus on heart-based service. It is a message that your self-belief, confidence and positive attitude have ensured abundance will enter your life. Be grateful for your blessings and remember that the more you have, the more you have to share with others. Give and so you shall receive. ”

So this year is a year of belief, gratitude, confidence, trust, positivity and giving through spreading more love and light by sharing. Sharing my life experiences, my vulnerabilities, the lessons I’ve learned through the light and the dark of my journey so we can all feel more connected, confident, at peace and fulfilled by who we are and how we be.