I am grateful for: solitude

How much time do we truly spend alone? We often “take time for ourselves,” but it is usually filled with external stimulus that fills the mind to distract us from confronting the important questions about who we are. We usually don’t spend enough time actually sitting with ourselves without having someone or something to comfort us when we feel bored or lonely. I’ve learned that when we truly spend time alone, we give space for our greatest lessons to come through.

During my Yoga Teacher Training, I felt extremely homesick for Israel and craved that comfortable connection with my friends and “normal life.” I craved this sense of comfort to the point where I wanted to skip solo traveling to fly back early. Before I made any decision, I paused to really think about why I wanted to cut my trip short to go home. In this moment, I realized one of my most powerful fear-based stories was playing out.

When things get uncomfortable or when I don’t have a plan, my fear of uncertainty creeps in and convinces me to make the easier, more comfortable choice. Traveling alone without any itinerary or return flight took me so outside of my comfort zone that I almost let my fears stop me from having one of my most meaningful experiences. With this awareness, I used this situation as a test and asked myself: “What decision will make me the most uncomfortable?” “What choice will push me the furthest outside of my comfort zone and allow me to learn the most about myself?” In this moment, I realized I could make the choice to let my fears win, or I could break this pattern of fear-based thinking and lean into the discomfort. I decided to lean in.

I set the intention that I was going to use this time to truly get to know myself- to understand my triggers, my patterns, my weaknesses and also my strengths, inspirations and purpose. I became aware of the types of situations that would trigger anxiety and feelings of loneliness, sadness and emptiness and identified what mechanisms I use to ease the discomfort. I was able to fully understand where I rely on others to fill certain voids inside of me. When I am in times of transition or don’t have a plan/control, I start to feel unsettled, insecure, and lonely so I rely on others to provide me with a sense of safety, security and stability. But my greatest lesson here, was that I need to find that sense of safety within myself. I need to find internal grounding and stability and learn how to cultivate that sense of comfort and emotional security within myself rather than looking for it within others. I need to be my own best friend, my own advice giver and my own shoulder to cry on.

If we can find this sense of fullness within ourselves, we are able to give that much more to others. When we identify where we rely on others to fill the empty parts of ourselves, we illuminate where the internal work needs to be done. It is empowering to know that we have already everything inside, all we need is the willingness and strength to lean into the discomfort and find it.

So I ask, where can I spend more time truly alone now that I am back in routine? Where can I carve out intentional time to just sit and continue to get to know myself on a deeper level? How can I practice trusting that everything I want already lies within? I encourage you to become aware of where you rely on others to fill your voids. I encourage you to learn how to fill those voids on your own by truly believing everything you need is already there- because at the end of the day, the only relationship that is forever is the relationship with yourself.