I am grateful for: anxiety

Anxiety sucks.

The past couple of days have taught me alot about myself and who I am when the going gets tough. When things are uncomfortable, uncertain, ungrounded and feel disconnected.

I am someone who loves (and craves) connection. But what I find is that when I so badly crave connection from other people, it is really the connection to myself I need the most.

After sitting with my sadness and anxiety the past couple days, I decided to move through it with my own dance session and wow did it help move that energy (because that's all emotions really are).

Afterwards, I felt called to share. I felt called to share the more challenging experiences I’m having instead of only sharing the magical, vibrant, fun, exciting experiences because it’s not fair. It’s not fair to only post the blissed out happy moments, but hide the moments of struggle and the way I try to move through it.

One of my greatest values alongside connection is authentcity. And if we aren’t being authentic, then we sure as hell aren’t connected to ourselves or those around us.

So right now, for me being authentic means admitting I’m in a challenging time. I’m not feeling my best. And like so many others, I also face anxiety and mental health issues that I experience and work through in my own way. It’s not always smiles, yoga, traveling, friends and silly dancing. Somtimes it’s pain, disconnection, sadness, uncertainity, fear. And that is OKAY. Because it is all part of the human experience- it is all part of the Seasons of Life.

And like so many other times in my life, my personal way to understand, process and integrate is to write; to share; to connect in a way I know how when my closest friends and family are spread all over the world...so thank you for being there for me <3

The past 8 months have been a HUGE moment of transition. Full of so many endings, beginnings and everything in between. And often with transition, comes an insurrmontable amount of uncertainity (especially if you are like me and make big decisions based on intuition and gut feels).

With this uncertainty, my coping mechanism is to try to control. I try to manage all the puzzle pieces of my life and put them together in a way I think they SHOULD fit so it makes me feel safe, in control, on track.

But when I do this whole “control” thing, I am reminded again and again (usually through anxiety attacks) that life is not in our control. We can control our actions, reactions and thoughts towards certain situations, but the key is to surrender to the outcome.

Trust that rejections and “no’s” are only leaving space open for the “FUCK YES’S!”

Trust that you can put in the work and be proactive, but the outcome will be what it is meant to be.

Trust that sometimes, PAIN IS THE PROCESS and to surrender to it because IT WILL PASS and what lies behind it is more strength, resilience, love and clarity.

Trust that you know what you need to do to help yourself work through the unwanted emotions. And if you stand with love in your humanness, you will get through it with more ease, grace, authenticity and connection.

Here for you always,

Mik