Be in the Being

As I'm laying in stillness at the end of my yoga practice, these thoughts came to me:

“Now is my time to tune inwards. To tune into stillness. Quiet the mind. Recharge the batteries. Create space. Allow answers to come through. Be in the Being.”

I’ve realized in life, well atleast the way I live mine, there are periods where we steamroll ahead. We are handed opportunities that we follow, one after the next, and don’t feel the need to take a beat to see if it’s what we want. We go with what feels right and the momentum, inspiration, motviation, and creativity continues to flow through so we flow with it. We make decisions like rapid fire and live off the excitement and adrenaline of “intuitive thinkings'' and “gut feelings.”

But like any good high, it tends to fade- to dull and to dim. And that is where the period of stillness, reflection, slowing down, questioning, and Being vs. Doing comes in. I used to call this place the “space between,” but I’m actually realizing that this isn’t the space between at all. This is just part of IT. The being serves just as much power and function as the doing. We need the period of being in order to guide what the period of doing looks like.

After a year and half of constant doing, steamrolling, creating, socializing (I know, crazy to say during a global pandemic), building, and adapting; this period of being is SO necessary for me, but way more uncomfortable than I had anticipated. Of course, I’ve had momentary moments of being over the year: in yoga classes, sitting on my apartment's balcony, enjoying nature in the north of Israel. Yet, these longer periods of being are where the longing for what is comfortable and safe comes in (which in this case is Tel Aviv and my amazing community there).

But as I sit here in the little nest my dad made in the mountains of Colorado, surrounded by nature, listening to nothing but the bubbling creek and birds chirping, I feel this sense of calm, stillness and peace. Having no set agenda or the need to feel “productive,” I feel free, liberated and light. I realize that I need this time to recharge, reset, tune into what has happened over the past year and a half, and recommit to myself and my bigger picture goals.

As I am tucked away in the quiet mountains, observing the very different life my dad has built for himself, I see how happiness looks different to all of us. And all of us are just trying to create that sense of joy and happiness for ourselves. That is exactly what I am doing now. Tel Aviv made and makes me SO incredibly happy. The vibrant, young city; the hominess of it; the sense of community and family I built with both internationals and Israelis; the non-surface level connections and friendships; the beach; the realness of Israeli culture; the spiritual community; the weekend trips exploring the country, and so much more. This city and community brought me so much happiness and comfort and turned a once foregin country into a real home.

But that inevitable knowing and feeling of stagnation, “stuckness,” and “what's next?” crept in. That feeling that I made it to the top of the hill (of this chapter). And I am now looking for the next hill to climb (shoutout to Matthew Mcconaughey's Greenlights and Lip).

It's this knowing that can scare the shit out of me. The knowing that it’s time to move on from that relationship, job or city when I don’t want to because it would be easier to stay. It’s that tiny tiny whisper in my head and pit in my gut that when ignored only gets louder and louder. It's that knowing that the next chapter awaits. The next adventure is only a choice away. And it takes trust. Trust that the knowing is there to lead me to more, to bigger. It takes trust within myself to follow that knowing despite the fear and discomfort around it.

So now that I’ve listened, taken space, and have time to tune in and be in the being, I ask myself:

“What is my next hill?”

“What is the happiness and fufillment I am looking for now?”

“What is the space I am craving and what is it creating room for that I am ready to invite in?

So with those questions in mind, I think I’ll continue to feel my way through this one. Sometimes, it's better to be in the body than in the head. All doors open.